holiday....

holiday....other ppl's holiday is very fun but it looks different for me...they wil enjoy everyday...go anywhere n do anything...i jus work...everyday i wil think y my life is like that???its jus dull n boring...i don wan to be like this...but wat can i do..nth...think money...think family..then everything wil worthy if i work...ya...worth...

for the first week, its tiring n painful...s, long time din stand for 10 hours...then i go n talk to the in charge person...maybe i wil stop working if its continuous..then mom gave me a kind of medicine..miracle...haha..stop the pain...so i continue my work til the third week...start my 'old friends'...not getting well after few days...so i resigned...then go back home..rest..but til now stil got a little bit cough..haiz...take a long time to fully recover...first time..

then i spend some of my salary on my new spec n saloon...haha...cost me 500...ringgit malaysia...not sing dollar...then use around 300 in presents n food n my new year clothes..in one day...this time is sing dollar...keng...buy it when christmas eve...then went to orchard road to celeb it...have a long walk...n snow spray...anyway....something happen...its really frustrating for me...but stil can manage...

im thinking why i have this kind of prob but not others..is it i haven meet someone like that o its my own prob..the feeling make me wanna go to another place to start a new life with myself entirely changed...is it a good idea????haha...don think so...if i can do that i don think i need to work...jus wat im thinking now i also dunno...

i think every gal needs someone to care bout her...including me i think...but i feel like im not desperate til i need it now...i think this is not the time for me to be with someone...jus dunno why...don think i can accept any guys...sorry, guys...i hope when i accept a guy, the guy is the choice i really wan...n the right one...

now is the time for me to study...not going to think bout any other things...jus hope i can get a good result...new sem....new life...this is wat i say every sem...haha...but look like the same...nth change....sien....kla...really sien liao...bye...

A special dedication to my closest friend in UTM

I would like to dedicate this blog post to my closest friend here. I treat her as my closest friend here because she is the only people can understand me and can listen to my sharing when I feel sad. She is sad and disappointed recently… Because she have too much admirers!

Main reason she have that large amount of admirers is because she is totally beautiful from inside and also outside (I think). She is different from any other girls that I met before. She is more mature than any other girl I can found in UTM. In short, she is great!

The way she treat people is really different. Most of the girls will just reject and avoid her admirers later to let her admirers understand that they are hopeless. But, she chose to treat them as friend although she rejected them. I think this is why her admirers don’t let her go, they misunderstand her message. Admirers think that they still have chance (I think) because she never avoided them as what usually a girl will do for this after rejecting admirer.

She said, “The more people like her, the more I feel (from girls) dislike. The more people care I (rejected admirers), the more I will feel blessed with many unhappy things.” I said to her, “More people like you, more people hate me (because I’m so close with her).” Sometimes I feel pressure to be her friend (because of what her admirers do to me is so childish), but I don’t mind. I just want a friend, who can understand me, can hear my sharing, jogging with me, and having lunch and dinner with me.

Since the first semester, I already bored with the thinking of close relationship between guy and girl must be an attached relationship. I was the closest friend (guy only) to Michelle, and everyone thought that I’m the lucky one when she declared her status. This shows that I’m not understand by others here. I say again, “I oppose that I will have relationship with any course mate. I just want a simple life here. I enjoyed lunch, dinner and also tea time with you all, I like to have badminton with you all during spare time, I want we strive for success together (no one should be leaved behind).”

I don’t understand why people like to make things complicated. She did mention that she want to study here, and not interested to having any relationship with any course mate already! I don’t know why her admirers still cannot respect her decision, if they really love her. I strongly recommend that her admirers should leave her some space, respect her decision (still can be friend ma) and treat her as friend (or else maybe will lose a friendship too).

To her admirers,

I hope that you all can understand her. Think in her shoes! What she feel if a guy that she rejected continue tackling her? Does she feel comfortable of this? (Please think thoroughly and be more mature).

True love is something last long, not puppy love. What you like about her? Her beauty? What if some day she grows older? Does she love you too (most important thing)? Do you understand her? Does she understand you as well? Can love last long if just have the love from your side? She will happy? (Please consider these too).

I have something to ask her admirers…

What you know about love? How can you say you love her if you don’t even understand her? Of course, you have your right to express your feeling to her. But, don’t you feel shame of not even respect what her decision is and you say you love her… If is like this, I think you just want to own her, don’t care about her feeling (can you win her heart like that?). You think she is a good in store? Of course, not!

True love cannot be forced. You wish to live together with the person you love, she also have her right to live together with the person she love (Please respect her right). Another thing, please don’t express your feeling of loving her to me! Express to her. Don’t show it to me through your eyes and actions. Show it to her and respect us!

Much appreciated and most thank you for your cooperation!

For me, I dare not to have relationship with course mate. I want my free life here. I’m afraid that I forced to face (any course mate), if we have quarrel for our relationship. So, my conclusion is no relationship for me here!

FROM,

CHEE KWEI YUNN

late post.....

11/11/2008 8.44pm
Today went to fac to study but end up one slide also din finish…stupid….how to finish it in one night???don think so…unless im not going to sleep…anyway, sure wil try my best to finish it even no need to sleep…but I don think it’s a good solution…as…tired cant help someone to study…so I also dunno how to settle…whole day bz bout the ISD paper n DS paper…not only that but also find SE n CCNA lecturer….jus bcz wanna know the carry marks…but know two carry marks liao….41.5/65 n 46/60…..wat a shame….not me at all….haiz…wat happen…the most unhappy time is 3rd sem….hope wil get better the next sem…hopefully….sddly feel like im the lowest n the most stupid gal in the utm…o maybe jus in SCS….n become the gal which everyone also don like….haha…dunno why wil think like that…what happen???haha…last time de kiong is not ‘kiong’ anymore….kla…wanna bath n start study…if not all of this wil be proven immediately…bye…
Last sentences…………….
The more ppl like me, the more I wil feel dislike……
The more ppl care me, the more I wil feel bless with many unhappy things….....

hurting myself.....

for me the important thing in life is to be happy...anything is not important also...but i have the feeling that im making myself unhappy these days...dunno y....i think im not hurting myself only...but some...hope u can understand n pls be happy...i wil try to be happy everyday too....now jus concentrate the thing i shud concentrate...don think too much...gambateh oh...!!!!! (^-^)

something....

2/11/2008 9.55pm
U wil think y others can get wat u wan for all these years but u cant….however, sometimes u wil think y u r the chosen one…

first person....

1/11/2008 12.43am
Sddly my mind thinking bout first secondary school...smk tmn seraya, ampang...if not mistaken time flies to form1...proud of myself, I get the first class...1 WAWASAN...but I get to know all the ‘fei chai’ n bad boy strangely…haha…y strangely...i also dunno...jus feel strange how n y I know...remember im having science class at the lab...sddly, I got a letter...huahahahahahaha....written in malay, ‘I wil wait for u after school’...hardly get the meaning of the letter...cz the guy jus din study...bad me...say like that...then I immediately tel my best fren, yee wen...after school he really wait for me...thanks to my fren she accompany me...he keep talking to me but I jus din ans the question with concentration...trying hard to find topic to talk with my fren...haha...he wait me til I get into bus...after that day, he din find me liao...nono...he did find me...erm…...when im form...forgot...hehe...he cal my house’s number...then I said how he get the number n y sddly find me...he said he zap his room at that time n found old things...and the number...so find me lo...go out yam cha...n know his english name...shawn...talk bout the things we r doing at that time...haha...listen gals, this is one tactic to avoid guy...but for that time only...now I don think this idea is useful...haha...
But after first class...haha...dropping...shame of myself too...

home sick....

if not mistake i think its started on thursday which is 22nd....woke up then feel terrible...1st fren-sore throat...the most i hate de sick...came out the 2nd hate fren...flu...then on wed's nite i think...my fren is getting worse...get a thermos of 'liang cha' from someone...every time sick i wil get to drink it...so good...haha...thx wo...appreciate it...but i think every time after i drink i din wash it...lazy me....haha....sorry...then when feel tired, plan to sleep but cant sleep...find the same someone to help me...then chat for a short time...after turn for few times finally slept...but woke up for every one hour...so sam fu...the next morning stil the same...but the happy thing is its the day i go back home....today left a fren haven back...which is flu...stil ok than the first day..
that day i shud do my work with my group members...but i din...feel so irresponsible for the first time....sorry guys, although u cant see this...next time i feel like scare to find u all to be a group liao...haha...maybe no need me to scare but u all dy run away from me liao...nvm...its my fault also...
getting close to my final...but i don have confident at all...feel like im the first one who wil break the record of GK if i bcum a member of GKUTM...cant get 3.5 n above...nvm...s long s i dy try my best...everyone also has their own capability...maybe its not mine...then how i do also cant get any better...but even mom also realise my statistic is dropping...haiz....suan le ba...cant do anything...
another story....quite happy...long story....haha....at first, 4 flowers know each other when having MHS...one is not available n always wil not available...haha...so cal ah ma...then after few months, me...but break after few months also....haha...that time michelle n kinki said left them alone liao...then come to 2nd sem...kinki is attached also...so,michelle said all of us also can find one but not her...but now she is the one attached...left me alone!!!huahaha...haiz....feel like this story can make me think back pass n we know each other for a long time...not bad...so...wish them happily ever after....

'selfishness'

wat is fren?fren is for u to let your life more colourful...sometimes wil be black n sometimes wil be orange...maybe sometimes wil be red also...which mean sometimes u wil have bad memory sometimes u will feel happy n sometimes u wil feel mad with them...
can fren be trusted?haha...good question...if u ask this question then u shud think yourself first...do u trust your fren?if wan me to answer it i would like to say no...why?bcz i can feel the betrayal among frens...n masks....
can a fren be a selfish person?at last this is the point i wan to talk bout...i think im selfish...why?i can feel the feeling of jealousy and uneasy when im looking at my frens...sometimes if u can see that someone treat u not like others which is better, then u wil feel very happy dy...n think u r the special one...i wan to be the special one...thats y i can say im selfish...

now, realise all the posts also sad n bad thing...no happy thing at all...haha...i also dunno...maybe when u feel sad u wil write it out to let it gone...happy shud keep...so it won go anywhere...n every bad experience wil let u become stronger n tougher...so u won get hurt easily...

09/10/2008 07.40pm
For the first time I really feel lonely…after back from rushing the SE proposal, I went back and watch two episodes of drama…then I went for bath…after bath I keep looking at my phones…but no sms o cal….haiz….y feel lonely???haha….very funny is no one remember me at all…im starving!!!!no one ask me at all!!!!almost 8pm le…thats y sometimes I wil think that physically ppl wil like pretending good at me in front of others….but inner….haha…its not like wat others think bout it…so friends….don get jealous when u c me got so many ppl around me…its not the real world at all…real world is I wil always be alone here…this is me…n used to it….haha…. :’(
So…the most important ppl around me always are my family…even I have married…but if I have kids….sure kids are the most important…won let them feel alone jus like their mom…who is alone since childhood time…n won let them have a broken family too…

I need the warmth……

10/10/2008 9.39pm
These two days cannot online…so…jus write it first then post immediately…today really unhappy…morning woke up nth to do….sien…so watch drama again…I also dono how many episodes…I know is I watched from 10something til 12..then bath n went for meeting..after meeting went to eat mcd…quite ok de…but back liao nth to do again…watched drama again..til 7something…boring…bath lo…then came here, b11…the place I write todays’s blog….at first ok de…then after one hour of studying, some questions dunno how to do…make me ‘kek liao’…so nvm…but sddly got one malay gal wan me to go the other side to sit…one group came in for meeting…swt!!!no other place meh…stupid…make me really unhappy n no mood liao…SHIT!!!haiz…suan liao…jus let me alone here to feel the feeling of unhappy n moody here….

Pls help me……………

knew it!!!

haiz...knew it!!!! knew it!!!! i knew that i won get any good result this sem...feel very sienz...y always like that...y???easy...cz u din put much effort on it....stupid gal....arghhhhhh.....wat i wan to do now is go to the highest place n shout s loud s i can...can i....no i cant.....thats y stop here to talk it out....arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......stil cannot release it out....how......really very sienz leh....y are u like that...angel: when cal u study u din...devil: this is wat u shud get....dai sei....hahahahahaha....angel: nono....u shud gambateh starting from now....don give up....devil: haha...do u think she can....wat a lazy gal...have time jus keep watching drama...assmt also lazy to do...this sem she really can enter my world dy...huahahaha....welcome welcome....angel: no...u shud listen to me...pls don give up...u have your family who really need u...u must gambateh...jus try your best....DON GIVE UP........

class after raya holiday

raya holiday - a week...wat a boring holiday..jus got one day i went out with friends..its quite interesting...the thing which is interesting is stonegrill at tebrau city...first time i went there to have my dinner...i went out with my youngest bro, weichuen n leng chai gor gor..hehe...at first we had a movie - money not enough2..i bought a wallet for someone who i promise to..then dinner...took some pics..the funny thing was the waiter...he saw me taking pic...one by one...then he asked whether wanna help to take pic o not..i said 'yes yes' happily....haha..they laughed at me...what a shame..i wil upload the pics later...in another post...
after one week...
now waiting for SE lecturer...friends also not many...class very few ppl only...wat can do...SE lecturer dunno how to teach...i don know what others are thinking...feel sleepy every time listen to her lecture...haiz...dunno how to score my SE...failed liao lo..not only this subject lo...i think many also..DS la, ISD la, ISLAM la, NETWORK la n lastly is SS...OMG..all subjects....sei liao lo...no need graduate in time...
feel moody...sienz...can i stay at home til final.exam???can i???sob sob... :'(

my house is doing renovation at the gate..is ok for me..but the worker have painted wrong colour on the gate..the colour is not bad..but bcz of it, we need to take more money for the 'cat' to paint back all the wall jus to make them look better..gate only dy use 10k...walao...plus bcz of don wan to take more money, we paint ourselves the wall..this is wat i done for whole day..and take lunch at 3something..then sleep..fuih..tired...at last it is done...no more dust at outside...hate it..

after an episode of drama...

after few days of hard work without any sleep, the proposal is being rejected.not only that, but also being criticized...is it a good thing o not?some of them wil say its really rubbish...for wat im stil here to let ppl laugh at me...its ridiculous...but some wil say...maybe i haven put much effort on it..so its a bad proposal...and some of them wil think his/her idea is good enough...jus need some improvement...which one are u in?
me???i would like to say that im categorized in third....n i won run away jus bcz of little bit scolding n laughing...it doesnt matter...s long s u really try your best...n its a good way of learning by giving others to criticized our work...if not there are no improvement in your life...for sure...learn something new...

help...:'(

sddly dunno y feel very sad n very fan...after chatting with someone i feel like...haiz...is it really that uncomfortable?yes, it is!!!know him for almost one year...at first, he is ok...cz not very close...slowly, after few meetings n dine, feel like his attitude is not really good...every words also has meaning...n the words wil make ppl really uncomfortable n feel he is very arrogant..like every one cant be better than him..well, wrong!!there are many of them better than him..contact him for help also wil be mentioned by him in every meeting...sigh...
thats y recently im avoiding him...i know its wrong...but wat can do..i really don wan to get close as i wil feel wanna run away from him...ask me out also have many excuses n lying...feel very bad...suan le...really wan to feel relieve but cant...anyone can help me???

the first day...^-^

its the first day i write my blog....few years ago, i said to myself that i wil buy a book for my diary...but stil din do it..dunno why...is it nth to say o express out??o nth special happen to me??haha...don think so...the 100% reason, of course because of laziness...give excuses that don have time to write...
so why i start it now??its bcz of a drama...touching drama...she writes her diary even she has difficulties...and writes it to prove to ppl that she stil alive n able to write even the writing is ugly...this teach me that i shud create one too...not only bcz of letting ppl know im stil ok here but also let ppl know wat im doing now...
today is friday...the first day of raya holiday...feel new n nth to do here...friends all at kl...wat can i do here jus homework...stil cal it homework??assmt....most of the time also sleeping...thinking is it life really that boring???o i din explore it???of course stupid excuses again...lazy n no time to do other things...there are many things can do...jus u din do it...then why u r like that??dunno....everyday hope tmr wil be different but no...so..the same thing, hope tmr wil be different...